Clark Kent is Real, And He Lives In Upland, Indiana

I met Clark Kent today. At least I’m pretty sure I did. He’s not Superman yet–didn’t look more than fourteen, actually–but give him time.

It was a slow day at Ivanhoes, with only the occasional ice cream order coming in. Around 1:00, a farm kid comes in wearing overalls–farm boy Clark Kent overalls.

He orders a Heath Bar sundae, and is friendly and polite–hallmark evidence of a Kent family upbringing.

And his eyes were the strangest shade of blue. Bright blue. As in, give-off-their-own-light blue. Superman blue.

All he needs now is an interest in journalism.

And after all, what fictional town does Upland resemble more than Smallville?

And then when he grows up, he has two cities, equally distant, to choose for his home base: Fort Wayne and Indianapolis. Probably the latter, as it ends in POLIS, just like Metropolis.

He could try to clean up Gary, but that’s more of a job for a Hoosier Batman.

And you know that weird weather we’ve been having? How the news said it was due to “a glacier breaking in the Arctic,” or some such poppycock? Clearly, this weather is due to the formation of an icy Fortress of Solitude in the northern regions!

But of course, what would Superman be without a bald, powerful adversary to go up against? Who else but Governor Mitch Daniels, our resident Lex Luthor!

Sure, he’s got a few inches of hair left to lose, but look! He’s already working on the sneer!

You’ll see what I mean once he starts putting kryptonite in our ethanol.

Well, this should be enough hard research to convince even the stoniest of skeptics. Doubt if you want, but I know, in a few years, you’ll be saying, “Look, up in the sky…!”







Also, an old guy in a brown fedora came in later that day, so I’m pretty sure Indiana Jones lives nearby too. Where else would a guy with that name live?

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One Response to Clark Kent is Real, And He Lives In Upland, Indiana

  1. Pingback: Hindsight is 50/50 | Mindless Productivity

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