i can’t sleppe.
half an hour ago, i thought i was tired, but now it ma not
i know thats ront and the spelling and punctuation it s messed up but i donta crare right now. im just going to write and if yyou dont like ti athen poop on you.
i spend too much toime to look back and fix everything and i dontwant to do thatright now. im not even looking at what i wrote, because then i will ante to ccange it. i like resets, rewinds, fix all that went wrong, but in rel likef we dont have that. you live, and if you meess up you life with it, the consquetnces
i’m generally not a careless writer. i pay alot of attention to what and how i write and if ifix every little error as soon as i notiece it. but itm not so careful when i talk. when i talk things just come out when i don’t think ithalm all through carefully. somethinge that means i offenc people or say things that are insensitive or hurt peole’s feelings. onece it’s out, you can’t take it back. you already said it
i wonder if we would talk as much if we decided to be as acareful with our speaking as with our riting . maybe we soulsdn’t say anyhthing at all.
i’m not even looking at the keypboard, by the way. I have my hands on the keys and i know where they are on the keyboard most of the time, but sometimes i press the wrong one and sometimes i forget. i’m not eratsing anything i say. either, so i probably sound s like a retard right now. iw as going to erase retard because i realized that’s probably offsensive but then i mremebered i’m not erasing things so i didn’t. if i said that i real life i couldn’t evrase it.
so whch is betterL thinking abou what you say before you say it aor living on eimpulse and living with the conseeuance. some would say that the latter ione is just living life, really living life in the moment. and that the other one doesn’tlive at all but just stickes in the th rules and doesn’t have real life. others woudl sayh that the first one is living a wise life, and that people that just live by impulses oare foolish. i don’t know.
right now in mhylife ai’m living kind of both parts. lots of things i thingk through, but ai also have learned to be more adaptive and roll with the punches more.i can’t do that for wirting though. for writing. everhythign ins pretty much planned out before hand. i have rtitened a chapter or blog post in my head mostly before its ont he paper im anemean mean on the internet. which is not paper. hahahahaha. anyway
I thintthis is a nwew isexperiment for me to see what it looks like if i djust write and don’t stop to think about what i’m writing. this is just like what’s in my head without any editing or even looking at what i’m writing. i pr
I probably wone’t be able to read some of thiss in the morning, but that’s okay. and i’m jsture most of you won’t be able to redad most of it either, but that’s okay too.
let me askt yhou a question.: do you live more in them moment and just kind of be spontaneous ora and to anything or most things that you jthink of, or do you like to be more planned aout and have everyhhtin buttoned down the hatches? which do you think is bettter, or which do you want your life to be like?
Another question: what do you say without thinking all the way through? does it sound like this stuff where you lok back and wonder why you said it’? maybe we should all thingk more cararefully about when we ware speaking to other people, but not so careful that we are afradid to show out emotions and be honest and vulnerable. maybe that’s part of the problem. we al
we all have these have these emotional walls that we build up because we don’t like to for other people to know about ous because then we i don’t know why we do it acutally. i guess bpoeple could hurt us is what we think in our heads, but most of the popele that we would talk about those personal emotional things wouldn’t want to hurt us anyway. so what is it then? Embarrassment maybe? is it worse to be embarrassed a or to never let anyone know how you feel ?j
my seweater is red, ir ran out of things to say for a moment there. hgang on getting back on track.
what if we could eread everyobody’s mind…and i mean what if you docouldn’t help it, but you just heard weverything that was in everyoone’s mind, but you could hear it clearly, not all confused and jumbeled because everyone is thinking at once. just that you knew what peole are thinking all the time. would we be more mean or less mean.?
Im’ glad you can’t hear what i’m thinking a lot of the time. sometimes i’m get bmad a t people, and other times i tjust think mean things, and sometimes i regret them after i think them and other times i don’t. i guesss that’s part of being jhuman i guess.
did i say i guess twice? i think i did. oh well, not erasing.
what if you could be both careful and articulate and very well0spoken, but also spnontaneous and in the momeny?
I tghiink think that’s why i like writing like when i tak to people on chat or stuff insetead of on phones. when i’m on the hpphone, i’ thimI’m thinking about whow i’m going to say stuff and i get frozen up because i might say the wrong thing and if you do you dcant’t take it back because it’s aout there. but when you write
but whenyou write on chat and like that, what did is ay if orgot cause it was thining about it
but when you are on chat, you can look at what they sad and then mabye you think youy know what to dsay, and if you were on the phone, yu would have to say it, beause if they’res a pospause it gets awkward so you have to say something quickly so they like you. but on chat if you think about it and it’s not worth saying, then yu eras it and you think about it until it’s something really clever and then you type it sand thingk, oh, ho ho i’m such a clever fellow, by jove, eh, wot wot. and then they take some time to think of the best thing to say and then you go back and forth and its really good dialogue, like you’re on a movie or something.
and i like that. as a writer, i like for conversations to feel like they work well. i lik ewhen ppeople respond and it makes snese, and bthe sentendces pbounce off each other like ping pong balls off ping pong rackets or paddles i tuguess they are.
man ift it it it it would be weired if someone wrote a whole book lik ethis, and didn’t even take out the spelling errors. ihave you read an finnegans wake by james joyce
? That’s some weird stuff, i’m telling hyou right now. it’s go lots of languages and wlong sentences and made up words i think very stream of consciousness.
what was i saying before that.
oh i ilikee that kind of chatting because it feels like good dialogue. maybe i should hpractice ore at having good convesations in real life and be the bsest at it and i can win.
who at just looked up at my word aocount and this is like moy most owrds i’ve ever written in a blog post . right now hits says 1321 wbut i know it’s more than that cbecause i wrote more words since then. and it hasn’t even been half an hour. i’m a very fast writer when i don’t care about thwthwhat i’m writing. i should have written papera like this in college…they would already be done.
i own the night.
I capitalized that just for you. i thought it did, but it didn’t after all.\
9 pwm tje miogt
i missed it
I own the night.
there we go.i kind of find it hard to believe that anyone read this far, cause looking back on it thats a lot of stuff that i wrote and its probably pretty hard to read except if i think about it i can actually write pretty clearly witout a lot of mistakes, but that could kind of impede the writing flow i guess a little bit.
if you read this far, you deserve a congratulations. good for you. gold star.
i want to end this with omsomething really smart or thought provoking.
this isntt it, but what is or what do you think of love, as defined by America, expecially movies.
do you think the kind of love we see in movies is as imprtant ast the movies have us believe, or is it just or is it more cof a cultural thing. id on’t know. because it see everyone is all like you need to fall in love and then get married and stuff, but they don’t do that in other countries, and sometimes that works out fine. and lots of times bpople “fall in love:” but then they fall out of love too, and then thye hjust want to go get a divorce. if falling in love ins’t strong enough to hold a marriage together should that be what you base the relationship oin on in the first place? maybe you should
I don’t know i’m jsut talking.
this is bad writing, but on the other hand, it’s also kind of good writing. not in a a writing mechangicas sense, of course, but in a n outpouring of your soul on tho the paper. this isn’t an act i guess like most ofther writing i do is, writing all up like walls aboaround to block out you knowing what i think, but just letting it all out so you can see.
i don’t think i’m going to do this often, thoug. maybe never again. but just this once. But just this once, it think maybe it’s good to let go.
See, on the inside i’m not so sane, . O tje IOOOn Pn the inside, I’m just as crazy as all of you guys. isn’t that a comforting thought?