“Boob Money” Is An Unfortunate Phrase To Get Stuck In Your Head At Work

There are some things that just don’t bear thinking about.

For instance, a few days back, I was working the ice cream register at Ivanhoes, and a young woman walked up and ordered a shake. She then appeared to scratch an itch in…well, in a certain place that only women and extremely large men have. I politely looked down at the register and made myself very interested in the workings of my cash drawer, when I realized that she was holding out a five.

This confused me for a moment. She hadn’t moved her hand to a purse, or a pocket, or a wallet. So where had the money come fro—

Suddenly it hit me. She hadn’t been scratching an itch. She had been reaching for money, and it wasn’t in a wallet, or a coin purse, or any hiding place as wholesome as that. With a growing sense of horror and disgust, I knew. I knew where the money had come from.

It was boob money.

Let me say, right off the bat, that there is nothing sexy about boob money…in much the same way that there is nothing sexy about armpit money. And yet this form of money storage has been around since femme fatales used it in slightly seedy fifties noir films.

And the reason—or reasons—are obvious enough: Making a deposit or withdrawal is an easy way for a woman to draw a man’s attention to her…trust funds, but the money itself…well, it does not fare well from this arrangement.

I carefully picked up the five, trying to touch it no more than necessary. It squelched lightly between my fingertips and I dropped it hastily into the cash drawer, prodding it with a pen to shepherd it into the correct money slot.

At this point, I realized that the phrase “boob money” was irrevocably stuck in my mind. I had five more hours left on my shift, and I now had to watch every word that came out of my mouth, to make sure that none of them were “boob money”.

Being very careful not to say this phrase only made matters worse. If someone tells you not to think about Barack Obama doing the Macarena…well, you see what I mean, don’t you?

This entry was posted in Awkward Stories, Humor, Stories and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to “Boob Money” Is An Unfortunate Phrase To Get Stuck In Your Head At Work

  1. Pingback: 50,000 Gamerscore Points and Still Alive | Mindless Productivity

  2. Pingback: Save Yourself Five Minutes and Set Yourself On Fire Now | Mindless Productivity

  3. Pingback: Where’s Witty Banter When You Need It? | Mindless Productivity

  4. Pingback: 10,000,000th Post! | Mindless Productivity

  5. Pingback: The Summer of Unadulterated Awesomeness, Starting in 5, 4, 3… | Mindless Productivity

  6. adventures says:

    LOL, stop…it hurts…my side…I’m laughing too hard…catching my breath…okay, I’m better now. No wait!!! hahahahahahahahha! Okay, it’s over… 🙂
    I think you captured what we have all experienced very well. The worst ever though is when a top heavy woman pulls out her cell phone from her boob crevice, locates pictures and tries to hand you her phone to “see her Pride and Joy”. ***shuddering*** Ew, what do you do?
    I usually make sure my hands are full when I see the inevitable reach-for-the-boob move, so I can avoid touching it!!! Yuck…I feel sick. Boob smudges clouding pictures of children or pets…gonna be sick…I gotta go man!

  7. Ugg this has happened to me way too often. what is *almost* as bad is in drive thru when they hand you pennies they found in the car. But these arent just any pennies, they are sticky and covered in only God knows what. Boob money is still worse though. YUCK!

  8. Anonymous says:

    Apparently certain brackets make your words disappear… oops. Can you delete this?

  9. Anonymous says:

    So much (silly) truth in such a well-written post. You make me smile and laugh out loud… and cringe. Your pictures and writing are fantastic – it’s all in the perfect delivery. This could not have been said better, sir.

    Hmm… I think this post deserves something.
    (Reaches in bra for some money)
    You accept tips, right?
    (holds out a five)

  10. I burst into spontaneous laughter when I saw the last illustration!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s