I Write Better When I’m Sexy (And I Know It)

Testosterone is awesome.

And thanks to a Scottish doppelganger, a case of mistaken identities, and a possibly illegal medical operation that took place in a secluded corner of a Men’s Wearhouse warehouse, I have come into possession of an unusual amount of it. But I’m sure you don’t want the details.

I’m confident, energetic, and I have a greater respect for both myself and my fellow human beings. I’m exercising, I’m eating better, and I’m more interested in women than I’ve been in months (and vice versa). My usual self-doubts and second-guessing crumple under the thick heels of my self-esteem boots, which I totally pull off, by the way. As someone once said, set to a vague imitation of music, “I’m sexy, and I know it.”

Because sexiness is more than physical appearance. Sexiness is confidence, virility, and passion. Passion is a huge factor, for both sexes. Not just passion for another person, but passion for your work, passion for your pursuits, passion for LIFE.

And now I’m pouring that passion into my writing, and it’s doing nothing but good.

Boring, passive-aggressive writer me says:

“But, maybe I should put in lots of filler words in the dialogue because, you know, that’s the way people talk, right?”

“I’ve gotta be descriptive, right? So does that mean using more adjectives so everyone knows what I’m trying to say?”

“How’s about we explain this character’s motivation for this action, just in case someone doesn’t quite understand?”

“The active voice seems kinda, I don’t know, harsh? Maybe we could soften it up just a little bit?”

Sexy, passionate writer me says:

“SCREW ADVERBS…VIOLENTLY!”

“LESS IS             !”

“SHOW, DON’T TELL, YOU PANSY!”

“THE PASSIVE VOICE IS FOR GIRLY MEN! … I mean, GIRLY MEN USE THE PASSIVE VOICE!”

And damn it, that’s just better writing. That’s writing that says, “I’ve got something to say, and you’d better listen.”

If I don’t give a crap about what I’m putting out, why should you?

*     *     *

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This entry was posted in Humor, Writing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to I Write Better When I’m Sexy (And I Know It)

  1. I’m bringing sexy back…..:) thanks for the good read…

  2. So fun! And so right. PS-women need more testosterone these days too 🙂

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