What Doth Lady Liberty Wear ‘Neath Her Titanic Copper Skirts?

I think I just got flashed by the Statue of Liberty.

Not the real one, of course. I’d have to be in New York for that to happen. And only when the statue was reeeeeally drunk.

No, this was your run-of-the-mill, dancing-on-the-street-corner Cash-For-Gold variety Statue of Liberty. It might not have been dancing for Cash For Gold. It could have been an insurance firm, tax services office, or any other organization that increases profits by humiliating high schoolers.

I didn’t notice what the cavorting symbol of freedom was trying to sell me because as soon as the light turned green, Lady Liberty’s skirts turned up, revealing a disturbingly pale, and disturbingly androgynous pair of legs. It took me a second to realize that above these ungendered appendages was, in fact, a pair of shorts. Shorts. In February.

The indeterminate sex of the statue-wearer leads me to wonder: how far can human dignity be pushed for minimum wage?

I have a feeling that we would all disapprove if Domino’s forced its male employees to sport a grass skirt and coconut bra and dance the hula to advertise Hawaiian pizza, but it’s apparently okay to have a guy dress as a chick as long as she’s 150 feet tall and green with oxidation.

At what point does something stop being a job and start being paid transvestism?

Of course, you could make the case that The Statue of Liberty kind of looks like a dude to begin with. I mean, just look at that sculpted jawline.

Statue of Liberty face


Speaking of the Statue of Liberty flashing people, what is she wearing under those robes, anyway? Is she going commando, nothing but girders and framework showing underneath? Or did the creator install a large set of copper bloomers to protect her modesty from curious visitors? With those French sculptors, you never know…

If you haven’t done so already, say “copper bloomers” out loud. Heh heh. I think I just found a new favorite phrase.

I know I could just go and look up the answer online, but honestly, sometimes the question is more fun than the answer.

While you mull on that, I’m going to go say “copper bloomers” some more.

“Copper bloomers.” “Copper bloomers.” “Copper bloomers….”

This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to What Doth Lady Liberty Wear ‘Neath Her Titanic Copper Skirts?

  1. Pingback: Of the New Colossus and Hollow Words – a Timely Re-Post | toritto

  2. Pingback: Of The New Colossus and Hollow Words | toritto

  3. Pingback: What Doth Lady Liberty Wear Neath Her Titanic Copper Skirts

  4. Anonymous says:

    Oh, how I appreciate you and that weird thing between your ears that passes for your brain.

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