Unwarranted Parental Feelings Toward A Blog

I found out the other day that my previous post, Manifesto For The Uncensored, is going to be an Editor’s Pick for Freshly Pressed. Lest ye be ignorant as to what Freshly Pressed is, it’s the WordPress equivalent of the top of the newsfeed on Facebook, the front page of Reddit, the…whatever of Myspace.

Since being read ranks slightly higher than eating and sleeping in my hierarchy of needs, I was ecstatic at the news. And then I turned into a father on prom night.

“How’s your grammar, honey? Structure feel okay to you?”

“It’s fine, dad.”

“Did you remember to spell-check?”

“Yes, dad.”



“Sorry, sorry… I just want this night to be perfect. There are going to be a lot of people out there, and I want them to see you at your best.”

“Dad…it’s sweet that you care, but…well, I know that I’m not perfect, and I’m okay with that. The right person will want to read me just the way I am, warts and all. Isn’t that better than changing everything about myself to fit in with the popular crowd?”

“Oh…sometimes I just…can’t believe how much you’ve grown up…”

“Oh, jeez, dad…are you crying? Really?”

“You’re just growing up so fast. To me, it’s like you’re still just two years old.”

“I am just two years old, dad. You’re really getting too caught up in this analogy.”

“I still remember when I had to change your widgets for you.”

“Gah! I can’t be hearing this. Stop, just…stop.”

“You’ll always be my little baby blog, with your run-on sentences and confusing metaphors.”

“Well, hey, at least we still have the weird personification of abstract concepts.”

“Hey! Look at you, being all meta.”

No one says ‘meta’ anymore, Dad.”

“What’s that?”

“Nothing. Oh, he’s here!”

“All right, all right, did you upload all your images?”

“Yes, dad.”

“Check your hyperlinks?”

Yes, dad.”

“Add relevant tags and categories?”

Daaaa–wait, no I didn’t. Good catch.”

“You go take care of that. I’ll stall what’s his face.” <Open door> “Hey, you must be…oh. It’s you.

“Hey, Mister B.!”

“…Let me give you a little piece of advice. My blog apparently thinks the world of you, and I want you kids to have a good time. But if I find out you’ve reposted her…let’s just say I’ll be reposting you all over town in little pieces. We clear? Good. Oh, and here she is! All right, you two, go have fun…just not too much fun.”

*     *     *

I’m exaggerating, of course. Everybody wants their blog to be reposted eventually, but only by someone really, really special. When they’re both thirty. And I’m dead.

This entry was posted in Blogging, Humor and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Unwarranted Parental Feelings Toward A Blog

  1. I first red Manifesto, hit “follow blog”, then began scrolling down. This post made me laugh so hard because its brilliant. This entire post, and Manifesto, pretty much sums up your amazing blogging. I am totally looking forward to reading your next posts!

  2. Funny. I just finished reading the Manifesto blog. Once again, I agree with you here. I live for the day when my blog will get more than 3 views a day.

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