Healing the blind?
Silly Jesus, we’ve got glasses, contacts, Lasik, and they’re putting the finishing touches
On those brand new prosthetic eyes.
To be honest, that whole mud and spit thing’s a little gross.
Feeding the 5000?
Silly Jesus, we’ve got that covered too, a catering crew with mini-subs and chicken strips,
And plenty of sides and desserts.
People were complaining about just having fish and bread anyway.
Walking on water?
Silly Jesus, I’ll do you one better, a water-powered jet-pack with propulsion so strong,
You’ll feel like you’re ascending to heaven.
You know, a second time.
The forgiveness of sins?
The redemption of souls?
Silly Jesus, we’ve got an app for that.