You’ll Never Believe What THIS Penguin Did At Their Wedding! So Embarrassing!

I’m getting really sick of these titles. But apparently they’re what gets our attention now.

I open my browser and see dozens of links to articles telling me

You’ll Be Amazed At This One Quick Trick She Uses To Save Thousands!

and

OMG! How Did They Not Notice That?

and

For Five Minutes, This Speaker Talked About Some Boring Shit. At Six Minutes, Everybody Cried. And So Will You!

Somewhere in the last three years, websites learned how to be coy.

When did we agree to be harassed by an endless barrage of verbal stripteases? “There’s lots more inside…if you just click.

And what’s with the pronouns? So many pronouns. This singer, Her mistake, what He did. You didn’t notice the pronouns before? Good luck unseeing them now.

Please, bloggers, article writers, video uploaders, and gif posters, for the love of God, stop acting like a teenage girl at the prom. We’re sick of the manipulative bullshit.

Stop taunting us.

Stop telling us how we’re going to feel.

Stop assuming we have to be tricked to click on your link.

Be upfront and just tell us what you have to offer.

One honestly-earned site view is worth a hundred cheated.

That’s all I have to say.

Now here’s your damn penguin.

penguin

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5 Responses to You’ll Never Believe What THIS Penguin Did At Their Wedding! So Embarrassing!

  1. It was worth it for the penguin. 🙂

  2. I simply assumed they were posted by very immature teenage girls.
    I don’t care what the penguin did at their stupid wedding.

    • I believe these sorts of titles were first applied to very spammy links to sketchy sites. I assume their success at luring in visitors then caused them to be used for slightly more reputable websites.

  3. Karin Venema says:

    Well, just don’t open the links: curiousity killed the cat!

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