NASA For Herpes

I’m probably alone in this, but I like to picture STDs as opportunistic little astronauts.

std space shuttle

Much as we observe the orbits and patterns of the planets, waiting for them to fall into alignment before launching probes to Mars or Jupiter, I imagine the viruses congregating in a microscopic NASA: The National Administration of Sex and…Almost-sex.

From their research stations they observe the motions of the heavenly bodies, waiting for the opportune moment to launch and colonize.

“The orbits of Harold and Vanessa are coming into alignment! Prepare for launch!”

“Negative! We’ve detected a force field in place.”

“Abort mission! Abort mission!”

“Stay on target.”

“I can’t maneuver!”

“Stay on target.”

“We’re too close!”


“Did he make it?”

“Negative. Didn’t go in. Just impacted on the surface.”

“Red Hives, the mission is aborted, return to base!”

“Negative! I’ve detected a hole in the force field. About two nanometers across.”

“Two nanometers? That’s impossible, even for a computer.”

“But not for me.”

“Red Hives, you’ve switched off your targeting computer! What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! I’m all right.”

“Red Hives, abort, abort!”

“Almost there…”


“Almost there…”

“Pull up!”


“I’m through!”

“He made it! He made it!”

“That’s one small step for mono……….one……giant leap for monokind.”

This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to NASA For Herpes

  1. Pingback: The 16th Minute And On | Mindless Productivity

  2. That’s just wrong. Funny, but wrong.

  3. dabink1988 says:

    Is this you announcing the fact that you’ve caught Mono? Because I could see you doing that…..

    (Announcing it like this, not necessarily catching it….which isn’t to say….never mind.)

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