Nothing Turns Me On Like Sexy, Sexy Viscount Love

You learn a lot of weird things working in a library. This week I learned that there is a very dedicated readership for paperback romance novels dealing with the varying degrees of European nobility. This I learned upon seeing a book entitled My Scandalous Viscount.

I stared at this book for several seconds, trying to figure out what the hell a viscount was, and not staring at the um…the um…

Sorry, where was I?

Apparently viscounts are on the lower end of the nobility. Apparently this novel is intended for those who can’t quite muster a ladyboner for a baron, but feel that fantasizing about earls is just silly flightiness. A girl’s got to know when to settle, after all.

I assumed this was the only viscount romance novel we had at the library. I was wrong. In addition to this book, we also carry

The Viscount

The Dark Viscount

The Naked Viscount (Not sure if these are all the same viscount)

Vexing the Viscount

The Viscount Who Loved Me

The Dangers of Deceiving a Viscount

The Viscount and the Virgin (We’ll see about that)

The Sins of Viscount Sutherland (And now we’re dropping names)

Viscount Breckenridge to the Rescue

and If You Give a Girl a Viscount

The last one appears to be a more adult offering from the author of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. “If you give a girl a viscount…she’ll probably ask for another one…”

There are bodice-rippers for all levels of the hierarchy. Barons get the short end of the stick, with dukes and duchesses and earls taking the lion’s share.

I’m also learning that my knowledge of European nobility is sparse. This is the extent of it:

Barons: Generally red in color. Always found to have mustaches. In constant rivalry with this figure:

Counts: Dracula, of Monte Cristo, and The. As in Von Count. As in this:


Earls: Only contribution to the world is sandwiches.

Archdukes: If you kill the wrong one, you start a world war.

That’s it. That’s all I know.

That, and viscounts can apparently land hot babes.

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6 Responses to Nothing Turns Me On Like Sexy, Sexy Viscount Love

  1. Julian Neuer says:

    You don’t have “The Cloven Viscount”?

  2. dabink1988 says:

    You also neglected Baron Bomburst, who may or may not be an alter-ego of Auric Goldfinger….

  3. Wow. The fact that your library has so many examples of viscount love is weird enough, but then you threw in that video.

  4. Brent says:

    Really? Only sandwiches? I’m appalled that you would neglect the other great contribution of Earls to the world: Earl Grey tea.

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