400 Years of Literary Smackdown

Wordsworth makes my words worthless

And I’m thoroughly unlike Thoreau

I can’t make the words sing like King

Can’t toss a phrase like Rabelais or catch it like Pratchett

I was vain to claim to write in the same vein as Crane or Twain

Put to shame by names like James

I’m just a wannabe Vonnegut, a would-be Wodehouse

A huckster Huxley, and the worst kind of faux Poe

I can’t write the Hemingway way

Don’t have Lovecraft’s craft

I’m no Stowe, not an F. Scott

I’m less than Moore and no more than Lescroart

Can’t walk a fine line like Heinlein, R.L. Stine,

Steinbeck beckon beckoning me to my wreck, reckon, reckoning

I’m not fancy like Clancy, too mild for Wilde

Too saccharine for Sachar, and Austen makes me sound ostentatious

I’m a dullard to Dillard, to Gaiman, a layman

Just a jester adjacent to Juster

I thought I was an achiever like Cheever or Deaver

Pick up the receiver and telephone Jones, Joyce, and Jacques

Let them know I don’t have what it takes, can’t make the breaks

I’m just a fake Shakespeare trying to steer clear of Christie and Conrad

Dodging Dodgson, Dick, Dickens, and Dickinson

I’ve been beaten by Keats, trounced by Travers, clocked by Clarke

KOed by T.H., D.H., H.G., G.K., C.S., T.S., S.E., E.B., e.e., A.A., J.K., J.D., J.M., and J.R.R.

But I’m not DOA

Still got something to say before I let Bradbury me alive

I’ve still got drive

I still strive

I’ve still got five, ten, fifty years to life before I finish this run-on sentence

No time to waste on unasked-for repentance

Begging forgiveness for the inexperience that is everyone’s birthright

A weight we work our whole lives trying to make light

So for now, I don’t wow

Don’t leave you amazed just to soak up your praise

I just pick up the pen

And I write

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6 Responses to 400 Years of Literary Smackdown

  1. Pingback: 10 Books That Have Had A Lasting Impact | Mindless Productivity

  2. Pingback: The 16th Minute And On | Mindless Productivity

  3. Anonymous says:

    Where do you get all this from?

  4. You made think of a stand up by George Carlin! 🙂

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