Eggy Burger Mush! A &#?$%!@ American Recipe!

Hey there, lovers of food and democracy,

I would like to share with you a real American recipe I like to call it…


Because that is its name. Its well-established name because it’s a well-known staple of the American diet!

What’s that, you say? You’ve never heard of the patriotic wonder that is Eggy Burger Mush!? Well put a thick stick between your teeth so you don’t swallow your tongue in excitement, because I’m going to tell you how to make it…THE AMERICAN WAY!

George Washington eagle flag bazooka

Here’s what you need!

An amount of beef-like meat
Some eggs
A number of mushrooms
A quantity of hot sauce
Some cheesish stuff
A kitchen
A skillety thing
A spatulaey thing
Something that makes other things hot

Most recipes make you buy particular brands of items and use specific amounts of things. Why is that? Because recipe-inventors are Communists and don’t believe in freedom.

sad vlad putin


Is that the face of a man who loves his breakfast? Only if it contains other people’s tears!

Now lets learn how to make Eggy Burger Mush! the American way!

First, take your meat. How much meat? What kind? If I were a communist, I’d say, “You vill use exactly vun pound of hamburger!” because Nazis and communists are basically the same people group.

Can you tell them apart? I don't think so.


Since I’m not a Nazunist, I say, “You decide, Freedom Man!” Use half a pound of tofu! Use three pounds of ground chuck! The sky is the limit! But not really, because we won the space race! Suck on that, guy who was the main communist leader when that was happening!

So take your amount of beef-like meat and cook it in the skillet until it looks brown enough to not kill you. Then drain out the excess grease and dispose of it. Or drink it to keep your veins well lubricated! Yum!

Then crack the eggs and chop the mushrooms and add them to the meat! How many? AMERICA MANY! “But ve used three eggs und four mushrooms!” And your rigid adherence to rules and regulations is why the Soviet Reich was crushed in 1945 when Adolf Stalin blew his brains out under Bunker Hill, Communazis!

Now grate some cheese on top of the Eggy Burger Mush! and mix everything together. I used white cheddar, but using different cheeses is exactly what makes America the best damn country in the world!

Once it’s all stirred up and cookified, add some hot sauce to that sumbitch! And then it’s done!

If I were a Communist, I’d tell you that this recipe for Eggy Burger Mush! makes 3-4 servings. But only Communists share the hard-earned fruit of their loins with parasites! Eat the whole damn thing yourself!

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8 Responses to Eggy Burger Mush! A &#?$%!@ American Recipe!

  1. Jay E. says:

    I’ve enjoyed reading what you have to say; a times, you’ve inspired me to complete a post, write something I wouldn’t otherwise write, or just see things in a different way. Therefore, I’d like to nominate you for the Most Influential Blogger Award. You can read more about it here. I understand if you choose not to accept (or if you’ve already received the award), but I wanted you to know that your writing influences me. Thanks for everything to write!

  2. 3dgirl96 says:

    In 8th grade, I went to a semi-friend’s house for a sleepover. Dinner was corn chips and lettuce buried under a mountain of hamburger, slathered with mayonnaise. When I politely asked, “What is it?” the mother replied, “Taco Salad, the American Way. You are ‘Merican, aren’t you?” Wise beyond my years, I nodded yes, then quietly fed every handful to the happy dog under the table. This blog reminds me of that family; I bet they love Eggy Burger Mush.

  3. This is the good stuff! Only in America can people get away with making and eating dishes like this!

  4. Reblogged this on meinthe21stcentury and commented:

  5. Hahaha
    (rolling Off Couch Laffin)

  6. Ema Jones says:

    Celebrate with yummy summer salad recipes..

  7. jane e says:

    Hilarious! I laughed through the whole thing. Thanks 🙂

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