Soda Adventures With Maddie

If you’ve been following the blog for a while, you’ve probably learned that I have a less than stellar track record and wooing and pursuing the fairer sex. So when I say I dared to ask out a girl a few weeks ago, it should come as no surprise when I tell you I was subsequently stood up for fro-yo and then utterly shunned. And we had just had such a good text conversation about refugees from the gender-swapped universe and infinitely-multiplying baby ducks. Kevin Sorbo knows how I felt:

The passive-aggressive rejection stung not only my soul, but my stomach as well, for we were going to visit a soda shop she’d told me about, called Rocket Fizz.

Rocket Fizz is the Willy Wonka of soda pops. It’s right on Monument Circle, if you live in or near Indy. They’ve got every flavor of soda you can imagine, and several you’ll wish you hadn’t. Clearly, I couldn’t miss out on this opportunity, so I asked my friend Madeline to go on an adventure with me.

And who, you may ask, is this cerulean-tinged siren? Theatre-lovers may recognize her by her stage-name, ‘Maddie Burger’, as she recently played the role of ‘Frazella’ in an off-Broadway performance of F!FFTF!

Fans of this blog may know her better as the blue-haired waitress from my magical, terrifying hipster restaurant adventure. After the events described, we became friends who share a love of comics, especially Planetary and Sandman. And so off we went to sample a perfectly reasonable number of unusual sodas.

16 seemed reasonable at the time. Also a Zagnut bar, because it is the best candy bar known to man.

Along with buying several flavors we actually wanted to try, we both decided to pick out a worrisome flavor to make the other sample. As shown above, I purchased a Buffalo Wing flavored soda for her, and she, in return, made me try Ranch Dressing soda.

Now, you probably think those both sound horrible. But guess what?

You’re right. They were absolutely atrocious. We even tried mixing them together, in case buffalo-wing-dipped-in-ranch-dressing flavored soda was greater than the sum of its parts. It wasn’t.

But all of these were eclipsed by the monstrosity that was bacon soda.

This is the ‘after’ picture, not the ‘before’ one. Even working together, we couldn’t drink any further than the top of the label.

However, not all that fizzes is fetid. We tried several flavors that were actually quite good.

Despite being marketed under the It’s SODAsgusting brand, the pink bottle of Fungal Fruit (a mixture of passionfruit and lime) was very tasty. We also both agreed that the Peanut Butter and Jelly soda worked much better than the other products of the Lester’s Fixin’s line.

But my favoritest of all was Flying Cauldron’s (non-alcoholic) Butterscotch Beer. Remember that ‘butterbeer’ that those underage wizards are always imbibing in Harry Potter? I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to taste like this stuff. It’s like drinking liquid Werthers.

Well, there you have it…my soda adventure with Madeline. From social awkwardness to deliciousness with a slight detour down Ranch Dressing and Bacon Lane. And it only cost…

Um…

Let’s not dwell on how much I spent on soda, shall we?