There are very few constants in the realm of science, and foremost are these: Gravity, the inevitability of entropy, and the irresistible urge all living beings have to punch Jason Sudeikis.
You just about smashed your monitor there, didn’t you?
Wanting to Punch Jason Sudeikis in the Face: An Overview
It’s an undisputed fact that literally everybody wants to punch Jason Sudeikis. But science has long asked the question, ‘Why’? Is it his career? Is it his personal life? Is it his external links? Or can his punchability be attributed to something that isn’t a subcategory on his Wikipedia page?
Let’s do a little experiment. I’m going to show you a picture of Jason Sudeikis. This is not the real Jason Sudeikis, so please refrain from punching the image this time.
Now let me ask you a question: When you felt the overwhelming urge to punch Jason Sudeikis (which you, of course did feel, by the very fact of your existence and humanity), where did you want to punch him? Did you want to punch him in the career? Did you want to punch him in his personal life? Of course not. You wanted to punch him in the face. And so it is to the face that we must turn…with science!
The Science Behind Wanting to Punch Jason Sudeikis in the Face
Actually, first let’s talk about the psychology of wanting to punch Jason Sudeikis in the face.
The Psychology of Wanting to Punch Jason Sudeikis in the Face
Why does everybody want to punch Jason Sudeikis’ face? He isn’t an ugly person, although, if someone said this to you, your response would most likely be, ‘No, but he will be when I get through with him!’ implying that you are about to punch him in the face. Where does the punch-urge come from?
It’s the smirk.
How can you not want to punch that smirk? No matter how nice the person inside, a smirk like that on the outside will always invite violent repercussion. It’s like the smirk says, “Oh, I’m sorry, did you want that last piece of peanut butter fudge that Cheryl from accounting brought in? Shucks, sorry, but I already picked it up and everything. That’s too bad. But hey, my needs got met. That’s all I really care about. Sucks to be you!”
And now we can discuss the science.
The Science Behind Wanting to Punch Jason Sudeikis in the Face, For Real This Time
Let’s jump back to evolution times. Neanderthals are neandering all over the place, survival of the fittesting, and getting naturally selected. But, uh oh, what’s this? A genetic outlier! The very first smirker (Sudeikis erectus).
Does that smirk say, “I have the best interests of the species at heart”? Of course not! That smirk says, “Sorry, but I’ve got to look out for number one! Even if it means the tribe will starve, I’m gonna eat as much as I want of this mammoth steak, sabertooth filets, and that sweet nutty paste that Oogyl from rock counting brought in.”
And thus, did man learn to fear and to hate the smirker. And whensoever one would smirk, he would be struck down, for the safety of the group. And though many of our behaviors would die off as the survival of the species became more secure, the instinct to punch smirkers remained even to this day.
That is why you want to punch Jason Sudeikis in the face. Now you know. Thanks, Science!
Thanks for reading, Science fans! Next up, we’ll be covering cooking in Cheryl’s Fudge: Why Is It The Best? A Sociological Perspective. Seriously, Though, It’s Just So Good. How Does She Do That? No, Jason, You’ve Already Had Three Pieces. This Is For Research. Please Go Away Before Someone Punches You in the Face, And By Someone, I Mean Me.