The 18 Best Worst Sentences from Fifty Shades of Grey

Hey! It’s Banned Books Week! Last year, I swore that, for Banned Books Week, I would read Fifty Shades of Grey.

I would like to point out that I never said I would read it quickly.

But I did finish it, and here, as promised, are the best worst sentences I could find. Some are NSFW, obviously.

*     *     *


“I am all gushing and breathy—like a child, not a grown woman who can vote and drink legally in the state of Washington.”


“I wrap my arms around myself and turn to face the road and note with relief that the green man has appeared.”


“Drinking in the cool evening air in the parking lot makes me realize how drunk I am.”


“The elevator whisks me at terminal velocity to the twentieth floor.”


“Pulling off his boxer briefs, his erection springs free.”



“I stare down at my fingers, knowing that I am turning puce.”


“Holy crap…just-fucked pigtails do not suit me, either.”



“Christian Grey just sent me a winking smiley…Oh my.”


“Ho, my subconscious mouths at me.”


“‘I’ll agree to the fisting, but I’d really like to claim your ass, Anastasia.'”


“I smile involuntarily as I recall being in his arms as he spun me around his living room, so unexpected, and he has my panties somewhere.”


“He moves the glass again and leans down, kissing me and depositing a small shard of ice in my mouth with a little wine.”


“…from makeup remover to soothing balm for a spanked ass, who would have thought it was such a versatile liquid.”


“‘Contrary to what your roommate believes, I’m not a priapic monster.'”


“‘The woman who brought me into this world was a crack whore, Anastasia. Go to sleep.'”


“My subconscious has her Munsch’s Scream face on again.”


Fuck, this is sexier than the toothbrush. 


“His breathing is mounting, his ardor…Holy cow—his erection…we’re in a field.”


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2 Responses to The 18 Best Worst Sentences from Fifty Shades of Grey

  1. thanks for sharing this post

  2. Akaluv says:

    Oh my, these were just awful…holy f*&^% how can writing be this bad? 🙂

    Thanks for sharing!

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