Category Archives: Humor

Self-Titled Albumen

My thoughts are an egg Cook for just the right time And out pops an omelet of meter and rhyme My thoughts are an egg Cook for one second less And then the yolk is all runny, and you cut … Continue reading

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Posted in Humor, Poetry | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Maybe I Wasn’t Trying To Write A Poem, Okay?!

The snow goes As the snow does (Does doesn’t rhyme) The snow does, that is to say, the female counterparts to snow bucks Make footprints all along the way While I get up and resume (Resume doesn’t rhyme) Resume, that … Continue reading

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Posted in Humor, Poetry, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Your Excitement About Kroger Is Killing My Dreams

This article makes me irrationally angry. It’s an article from my local paper. It tells about hundreds of local citizens lining up on a Thursday morning. What were they lining up for, you ask? Was it the midnight release of a … Continue reading

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Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

The Biological Imperative to Punch Jason Sudeikis in the Face

There are very few constants in the realm of science, and foremost are these: Gravity, the inevitability of entropy, and the irresistible urge all living beings have to punch Jason Sudeikis. You just about smashed your monitor there, didn’t you? Wanting to Punch … Continue reading

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Posted in Humor, Science | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

An Artistic, Critically-Acclaimed Poem About Comcast

All great art comes from suffering, from the paintings of Vincent Van Gogh to Britainy McMurphy-Morris Jones’ haunting poem Why Don’t These Jeans Fit They Fit In The Store So Why Don’t They Fit Now Why Don’t They Fit. So as … Continue reading

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Posted in Humor, Poetry | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Introducing the Sovereign Party for Extremist and Radical Moderation

Since my most successful blog post is the one that pissed off half its readers, I’m going to do one better and piss off ALL my readers. So I’m gonna be breaking out the insults in force, you geeks and … Continue reading

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Posted in Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Can We Find Hope In A Loveless Place?

I’m not sure I know how to love. Let’s jump back a decade. I was in high school, homeschooled, and more awkward than a rucksack full of penguins. You think I’m weird now? You have no idea. Since I was coming … Continue reading

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Posted in Humor, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments