Tag Archives: Humor

Nowhere to Be in a Hurry

People walk by and see me waitingAnd they act like I look mighty strangePoint and laugh at me waiting, waitingLike I’m out of my mind or derangedBut I’m just waiting, waiting, waitingWaiting for the stop sign to change.

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“But What If You Just Offered Your Human Weakness As A Burnt Sacrifice To Capital?”: 5 Quick Tips To Improve Productivity

Hey there everyone, thank you all for coming. I’d like to specifically thank the organizers of this event for providing seating that is comfortable enough to keep you from walking out and uncomfortable enough to make you think you’re paying … Continue reading

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Little Sugar-Coated Regrets

To the girl behind me in line at the supermarket Whose shopping list consisted entirely of Sourdough and sour gummi worms I wish I’d thought to ask you If you were making Sandwiches.

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The 18 Best Worst Sentences from Fifty Shades of Grey

Hey! It’s Banned Books Week! Last year, I swore that, for Banned Books Week, I would read Fifty Shades of Grey. I would like to point out that I never said I would read it quickly. But I did finish … Continue reading

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The Biological Imperative to Punch Jason Sudeikis in the Face

There are very few constants in the realm of science, and foremost are these: Gravity, the inevitability of entropy, and the irresistible urge all living beings have to punch Jason Sudeikis. You just about smashed your monitor there, didn’t you? Wanting to Punch … Continue reading

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An Artistic, Critically-Acclaimed Poem About Comcast

All great art comes from suffering, from the paintings of Vincent Van Gogh to Britainy McMurphy-Morris Jones’ haunting poem Why Don’t These Jeans Fit They Fit In The Store So Why Don’t They Fit Now Why Don’t They Fit. So as … Continue reading

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Posted in Humor, Poetry | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Take a Couplet of These and Call Me in the Morning

If the prose gets up your nose And you sputter like a hose You must take off all your clothes And compose a little verse If your nurse says things are worse And your health can’t be reversed Quick, before you’re in … Continue reading

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Introducing the Sovereign Party for Extremist and Radical Moderation

Since my most successful blog post is the one that pissed off half its readers, I’m going to do one better and piss off ALL my readers. So I’m gonna be breaking out the insults in force, you geeks and … Continue reading

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Accolade! An RPG I Sort Of Helped Make…I Mean, I Did A Little Bit…

Hey there, Internetlings, It’s been, phew, about a month since I posted anything, and even that was a bit of rubbish. So what have I been up to? I’ve surely been busy doing all sorts of important productive things, right? Allow … Continue reading

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OH MY GOD! WE’RE HAVING A FIRE…Extinguisher Test

The notice on the door says our fire extinguishers need to be renewed. Time to pull it out. It’s under the kitchen sink, right? No. Um, okay. Maybe it’s in one of the cupboards? Nope. Okay, don’t panic, it’s probably … Continue reading

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